Survival Is A Rite Of Passage.

I’ve kept this picture folded inside my wallet since the first time I saw it on Tumblr, so for about a year now. We all know I love my motivational quotes.

I kept it there for easy access. So I could remind myself in moments of doubt, self-loathing, and fear, that I was good. That I am perfect how I am.  That it didn’t matter if someone else didn’t think so, even if my grades didn’t show that, or the scale didn’t reflect that.

I am perfect how I am.  I took the picture out so much during my first year of law school. You can see that when you look that stained piece of paper in my wallet. The the edges are fading out and crumpled, it has greasy fingerprint marks on one side, chocolate on another, a tear puddle stain, and spilled coffee on the bottom left corner.

 It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself that I was good enough. I still kept comparing myself to others. Agonizing over the fact that I’m not as thin as my friends or the rest of my family, that I take longer to understand new things, that I take longer to do assignments, that I am socially awkward.

Today though, today is the day where I really felt like I was my best self.  

 I received offers from every single job that I applied and interview for. I have a slew of choices. Imagine that. This time last year I was wondering if I would even make it through law school or if I would be academically dismissed.

Because I felt like my best self, today I interviewed to move up to the managing board for Law Review. I had decided I would be bold and brave and apply for Vice-Managing Editor along with Technical Editor. At the end of my interview the Chief Editor said that if she had her way she would be honored to have my as her Vice-Managing Editor.

Today it suddenly didn’t matter that the scale hasn’t moved in two weeks, that my 1L grades will haunt me forever, that I rarely have the right answer when cold called, that I feel like I have to work harder than everyone else in my classes, that I took longer to get the hang of law school, and that despite insistence from friends and relatives I have no interest in getting married anytime soon and I’m okay with having a five-year or longer engagement.

But, that is perfectly okay. Everything is okay. I am good enough. I am perfect as I am right now despite my flaws and imperfections.

Not that I really should be giving anyone personal life advice but if your struggling in law school or anything else really, if you don’t feel good enough, just breathe. Breathe, take a hard look in the mirror, and as you stare at your reflection remind yourself that you are perfect. You are self-made.  You are still developing, evolving, and every single day you will be better than you were before.

Better but no less perfect.  

I haven’t blogged in forever. I just have been short on time and trying to stay afloat. I’ve been constantly busy, overworked, overwhelmed, and over caffeinated.  

I decided to blog tonight because I needed to vent. Do any fellow lawblrs every find themselves frustrated with non-law school people who complain to you about their “busy” schedules?  

I’m going to admit that I do and I feel like a horrible person for it sometimes. I worry that law school was completely wiped out my ability to empathize with others. 

I’m trying to work on it and remind myself that my problems are not more important than others.  

Which, makes me feel guilty that I have to remind myself of such a simple fact. 

I’m tired, I’m rundown, and I feel like I’m constantly in motion. This month has not been my month. I’m totally going to vent to you all now so feel free to disregard reading from this point on. 

Law Review is stressful, tedious, and full of hard work. It’s been killing me. Between the editing of the article, writing my comment topic, and weekend  grammar training’s, I’m about ready to pull my hair out. 

I still dislike every single one of my classes. Especially ADR and it’s giant research paper. 

My boyfriend and me can not get along, lately. We barely see each other and when we do we are constantly fighting about who can’t make time for the other, who didn’t load the dishwasher, when I will tell my parents that we are living together, leaving stuff on the bathroom counter, tripping over shoes in the hallway, leaving dishes in the sink, and whose turn it is to go food shopping. It seems like everything he does just gets on my nerves. And, everything I do irks him in turn. I don’t know if it is the stress of 2L year, or the stress of living together. 

My pro bono hours were cut and now I have to scramble to find another job to fulfill those requirements. I don’t want to be doing them in my senior year and run the risk of this happening, you hear horror stories about that all the time. 

There have been rumors running around campus that our school, is implementing trimesters in response to a fellow law-school’s decision to do the same. The rumor is it will effectively require year around schooling, and the loss of Fall/Spring Break. School has sent an email saying they will address the validity of these rumors in the upcoming week.

I will be crushed if this is true. I hate this state and If I couldn’t leave it as often as I do now, I’ll be forced to change my blog title from law school survival to the the slow death of a law student. lol 

I just feel like I need something to go right this month. 

Today has been a great day.

1) I’m ahead in almost all the readings ( Current in one class: Trust and Estates, just because it is boring and I don’t care for it all too much.) 

2) We had a pop quiz in Family Law and I was confident on every answer. So I either did really well, or that confidence was the tumor talking, but it felt good regardless 

3) I avoided being cold called in every single class today. 

4) I received great feedback on my Law Review assignment and I’m the only new staff editor to successfully finish. I’m hoping my next assignment won’t suck as bad aka I won’t be someone’s errand girl and find their sources them

5) I had a dream about writing my AWR topic for law review, and I dreamed about my article getting published and talking about it. I woke up and quickly wrote down the Title and everything I can remember about it.

6) My AWR counselor and I did a quick preemption check. No one else has written on my topic. If no ones writes on it between now and July, I will be able to write my dream article, literally. 

Yeah, today has been wonderful. I guess it is true what they say, law school does get better. Or maybe you just do. 

I haven’t posted in awhile because this semester has been kicking my ass and it only started on the 28th. Law Review is mainly my problem. My sources were hard to find and quite a few were cited wrong so it led me down a lot of wild goose chases. I’ve been spending more hours in the law library than I’m comfortable with ( like 10+). 

I also have a lot of research papers to do ( none of which can be used for law review due to a double dipping policy) two of my papers are a minimum of 25 pages. One is for ADR and the other is for Family Law. 

I’m also writing my Comment for law review on victims rights and on the new courthouse designed for the furtherance of those rights ( separate bathrooms, waiting rooms.) As a result, I’ve been doing tons of interviews about the building, it’s implementation, and all that good stuff. At least that’s interesting and something I’m on the side of. I was hoping to get prisoners rights, as I’m an advocate, specifically a bill about the use of iron leg shackles on women prisoners while in labor. It didn’t happen though, and I was a tad bit disappointed. I feel like when I write about something I’m passionate about, I tend to do better. 

Law Review is offering the chance to have two new staff editors comments published, in the next semester, and I would like to be one of them. It is my new goal for the year.

As far as classes go, so far I don’t care for any of them. I have Business Associations, ADR, Family Law, Trusts and Estates, and Con Law. I’m over required classes. I wish I had the guts to take classes outside of the recommended course sequence sheet. 

I don’t though. 

I do find that I like no longer being in classes with a section, nor being in classes with my friends or significant other. I don’t know anyone in my classes and I like it that way. I find I’m more confident and I participate and volunteer more. 

I’m just hoping that I didn’t put too much on myself, right now it feels like I did, but I’ll just improve my time management, it’s pretty good but I’ll shoot for even better.

This is the picture I printed out to remind myself that even if I’m overwhelmed I still be good. 

Kelly Clarkson’s mash up of That I’ll Be Good/Use Someday is my official theme song of this semester, which I think is an improvement from last semesters theme song of Maroon Five’s Sad/Some Nights by Fun. 

Improvement is what matters right? lol

I finished writing out my Crim Pro flashcards and now it’s time to start studying them. I’m already sick of reading the words probable cause.  I can’t believe my first exam is on Monday.

I’m not mentally or emotionally prepared yet. 

Because I’m a masochist I decided to check my grades one more time before I called it quits for the night.  I always try to be honest about my grades on my blog since this is my one place to just vomit vent everything. 

So on that note, I have to tell that my midterm grade for Property came in and it wasn’t what I had hoped for. Especially, since I always considered Property classes my one strength. 

I did below average on the midterm, with a C-.  I’m pretty disappointed and my ego sure as hell feels the sting. 

I’m still waiting on Con Law and I hope it is better,  but since I hate this class and do not do well when cold called I’m not expecting much.  

Bummer.  Law School wins this round. 

Painstakingly true. 

(Source: v-edo)

That about sums up law school. Obviously I should not be allowed to make decisions.  

Con Law is just making me all kinds of bitter today. 

(Source: bunkercomplex)

GPOY.

Checking for my midterm grades which are all supposed to be released today. I’m both dying to know and begging to never found out.