I’ve kept this picture folded inside my wallet since the first time I saw it on Tumblr, so for about a year now. We all know I love my motivational quotes.
I kept it there for easy access. So I could remind myself in moments of doubt, self-loathing, and fear, that I was good. That I am perfect how I am. That it didn’t matter if someone else didn’t think so, even if my grades didn’t show that, or the scale didn’t reflect that.
I am perfect how I am. I took the picture out so much during my first year of law school. You can see that when you look that stained piece of paper in my wallet. The the edges are fading out and crumpled, it has greasy fingerprint marks on one side, chocolate on another, a tear puddle stain, and spilled coffee on the bottom left corner.
It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself that I was good enough. I still kept comparing myself to others. Agonizing over the fact that I’m not as thin as my friends or the rest of my family, that I take longer to understand new things, that I take longer to do assignments, that I am socially awkward.
Today though, today is the day where I really felt like I was my best self.
I received offers from every single job that I applied and interview for. I have a slew of choices. Imagine that. This time last year I was wondering if I would even make it through law school or if I would be academically dismissed.
Because I felt like my best self, today I interviewed to move up to the managing board for Law Review. I had decided I would be bold and brave and apply for Vice-Managing Editor along with Technical Editor. At the end of my interview the Chief Editor said that if she had her way she would be honored to have my as her Vice-Managing Editor.
Today it suddenly didn’t matter that the scale hasn’t moved in two weeks, that my 1L grades will haunt me forever, that I rarely have the right answer when cold called, that I feel like I have to work harder than everyone else in my classes, that I took longer to get the hang of law school, and that despite insistence from friends and relatives I have no interest in getting married anytime soon and I’m okay with having a five-year or longer engagement.
But, that is perfectly okay. Everything is okay. I am good enough. I am perfect as I am right now despite my flaws and imperfections.
Not that I really should be giving anyone personal life advice but if your struggling in law school or anything else really, if you don’t feel good enough, just breathe. Breathe, take a hard look in the mirror, and as you stare at your reflection remind yourself that you are perfect. You are self-made. You are still developing, evolving, and every single day you will be better than you were before.
Better but no less perfect.